I aspire to be one of those mom's that seems to just revel in motherhood. Here is her scenerio:
She keeps a close watchful eye on all of her children while having an in-depth, intelligent conversation with you. Her child raises his hand to hit his sibling and the she says, all cool/calm/collected...Bobby, we do not hit.
The child submits, apologizes and hugs his sibling.
She doesn't miss a beat.
She continues the conversation as she pulls every ingredient for a well balanced lunch out of the fridge. She arranges everything neatly on the color-coordinated child-sized plates and lines them up along the bar.
She gives the lunch-is-ready signal. Everyone comes running.
Still in conversation, she helps each child wash their hands. They sit quietly, eat and asked to be excused.
No television, no non-organic processed foods, no tears or shrieks of unfairness. Somehow, amidst her poignant monologue regarding the importance of mothers volunteering in school and her persuasive argument against children referring to adults by their 1st name, she has cleaned and sanitized the entire kitchen.
I am the mother on the other side of the conversation. I have not heard a single word she said because I am so enthralled in watching her magically float through her day as if she were some close relative to Mary Poppins herself.
What kind of pills is this lady on and how can I get my hands on some?
No, I am not this kind of mom. My scenario is short and sweet.
I wrangle my squirming kids into their high chairs...
wait, what was I saying? Oh yeah, the new pool...
I rip apart lunch meat, avacados and jelly on bread.
Ok, where was I going with that? Right...the pool...
The dog is eating half the meal that gets thrown on the floor.
CHESSIE!! Go lay down! Boys, stop throwing food. Anyway, so back to the pool...
Kids are trying to slide themselves out of the high chair and their hair has been newly styled with avacado and jelly. The kitchen looks like a tornado hit.
I have no idea why I am talking about the pool so nevermind.
Whoever I am trying to carry on a conversation with makes a mental note to NEVER forget to take her birth control again.
By the time we are saying good by to The Perfect Mother and her children, the only explanation for the orderliness of her house is that she must have trained her children's toys to return to their toy box after being idle for longer than 5 minutes. A kind of "sleep mode". I look around my house and can only deduce that our toy's sleep mode was damaged prior to arrival. Or maybe it has something to do with the wooden hammer my mother bought them for their birthday. Either way, not my fault!
It is a circus here some days. But, man, I love every second of it. Those days, when I feel like the old woman who lived in a shoe...I imagine my life before them. Not a single day could rival what we have now. The Mary Poppins mom is awesome, more power to you if you have accomplished that life. But, if you are like me and you are sitting at your computer now with jelly stuck to your neck and avocado gunk in your hair, praise God for you. The jelly and avocado are the badges of loving from your babes...nothing could be sweeter!
