But, when it comes to my family...it has become, well, a little out of control.
Stupid love and all its emotion. If I had known this before, I would have bought stock in waterproof mascara.
Holding my babies in church while we sing about God's love...I don't stand a chance. I am sure a lot of you have the same reaction. Its just too much!
But lately, its gotten even worse.
I am sitting on the floor cleaning off the wooden blinds one blade at a time. Twin A comes over with another rag he found on the floor and starts to help clean. His little diapered bum as he crouches down to where I am, his little chubby hand waving the rag over the blinds and that face as he looks over at me and smiles with all his teeth...be still my heart. I grab him and just soak him in. Good grief, I am tearing up just typing about it.
We go in for a vaccination. I am holding Twin A who is crying his eyes out from the prick and Twin B, in my husband's arms, reaches out to hug and console him with a look of such concern all over his little face. I have to fight to hold it together, for their sake, of course!
The worst of all: We are upstairs after bath time and having a dance party. We are listening to the Black Eyed Peas sing I Gotta Feeling. Twin A is wrapped around me and his chubby little hands are holding on to the back of my neck. He is giggling in my ear and I can feel his little breath as he is panting with excitement as we spin and spin and spin. I start crying and I can't even sing along!!! This is bad, who cries listening to Fergi?
What is wrong with me? I mean, emotionally, I get it. They are miracles, both of them. When I went in for my 1st ultra-sound (super early), there was only one baby. My 2nd ultra-sound revealed a second baby but they warned me that Twin B was significantly smaller and chances were he would not survive.
Truthfully, it's not that I "can't imagine my life without them", because it was only a little over a year ago that it was just Matt and me. It's not that I am crying out of fear of something bad happening to them, although I still lay my hand on their chest every night, checking for a rise and fall. I am just purely amazed by them. I am so humbled by their existence and the fact that I get to hold them and love them. The fact that they are little tiny beings, operating on their own, making decisions, having opinions and learning a mile a minute.
Bottom line: I am so thankful for them. I never WANT a life without them.
And as for the latest thing that brought me to tears? Proof that no matter what the doctors say, a life meant to be, will be...
